me (thedreamgames) wrote in noadvice,
me
thedreamgames
noadvice

baby shower

I went to a baby shower this weekend.

There were many planned-activities.

For one of them, we were asked to write advice for the mom-to-be on a notecard. I cringed at the whole thing and wrote an anti-advice message on my notecard. Something like "Don't feel obligated to follow any parenting advice. Follow your own heart. Every family is different."

At the end of the shower, someone read all the cards. Most messages were not pushy or judgemental. There were one or two messages suggesting the mom-to-be check out Love and Logic parenting (not sure what that is about), a message saying don't read Spock, many messages similar to mine (I was pleasantly surprised).

Only one message was bitchy/judgemental. It said "Have the baby sleep in its own room. Don't let it sleep with you and your husband." That hurt my feelings because our son sleeps with us.

But I didn't say anything. I decided it was best to just chuckle with the rest of the crowd and move on. I can imagine, in the past, I'd write something just as hurtful. Something like "Don't wean too early" "Don't use Babywise" "Don't force your baby to sleep in a crib".

I also reminded myself that although it SEEMED everyone was laughing and agreeing with the comment, there were probably other co-sleepers in the crowd who were equally uncomfortable. But I see no need for a debate or to try to sway the mom-to-be to our camp. Her mind is probably made up about the sleeping issue and there's a good chance baby will end up changing her mind. Or maybe she'll stick to her original opinion. Who knows.

I just don't think the mom-to-be needs advice. And I certainly don't think she needed a debate or a fight.
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